Character Matters Part Three: We Need More Accountability

In Character Matters Part One and Character Matters Part Two, I wrote about some disturbing trends I’ve noticed while coaching middle school and high school athletes. 

I believe athletes must have great character. They should be kind, respectful, resourceful, hard-working, and full of integrity on the court and off. 
I think most people would agree that these are good traits for all people, not just athletes. 

But volleyball coaches and administrators at area middle schools and high schools are not addressing this issue. Due to the lack of time, a deficiency in coaching education, pressure from parents, and expectations about how many games they need to win, poor character in athletes is rarely--or never--addressed.

This means the cool girls with the poor character are dictating everything, not the coaches. So then the kids who are trying hard and who might even be more talented--or at least as talented--are getting cut from teams because the coaches sense those athletes don’t fit in well. 

Of course they don’t fit in well with those who prefer mediocrity, with those who are disrespectful, with those who aren’t always working hard to do their very best.

This is crazy-making. Why are coaches allowing athletes to create or perpetuate a situation that’s not ideal for anyone involved? 

Oftentimes I see that myopic view. They think, “I’ll put the girl in who can spike better but with poor attitude, grade and character  in order to “win” few games instead of the girls who will work hard to gain the skills they are very capable of gaining while also creating a culture of respect, excellence, and teamwork.” Focusing on the athletes with good character will lead to more wins and a better culture for years and even generations to come.

I’ve heard from parents who have seen this happen with other sports. One mother whose son is a high school athlete says she’s seen this play out since her son was in middle school. She couldn’t understand why it was happening, how the parents encourage this type of behavior, and how the coaches let it perpetuate and fail to lead their teams. She’s a bit older than me but she says she never saw any of this when she played sports or when her brother played sports. Everyone encouraged each other to do well, to compete, to learn from failures, to persist. Every team she was a part of was a sort of family. Coaches instilled those values and taught the members of those teams how to respect each other and look out for each other.

So this pattern is a part of what’s happening on a larger scale. I don’t know all of the answers. 

I try to stay as neutral as I can as a coach. But if I were a coach at a school, I would not choose anyone to be on my team who has a bad attitude and who is disrespectful to me and the other players. I will offer those girls advice and be honest with them and tell them what kinds of changes they need to make to be on the team in the future regardless of their skill level. It could be a temporary hit but would send a message loud and clear. Ultimately it would help create a winning culture and it would help these athletes have wonderful character that will serve them for the rest of their lives. 

I’ve said it before but I will say it again. For me, the character of these athletes should be the top thing coaches are looking at. Their core values. The things they stand for. 

These are the athletes I want to coach: 
Those who don’t bully and who don’t shame teammates who are working hard and trying to excel. 
Those who help, stay late, put in more than what’s expected, respect others, and value themselves. 

But this often plays out in a complete opposite way and no one is holding the coaches or their athletes accountable. No one is telling the athletes their behavior isn’t tolerated. Instead it’s being reinforced.

The good girls are being cut because they’re standing alone by themselves. And the most diligent, hardest working, and kindest girls are cut from the team. These girls would be the greatest assets to these teams, and they are being cut because the coaches sense how they are being isolated and say there’s “weird chemistry.” 

It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s time for some accountability.

To end on a positive note, I love this short TED Talk about how someone who feels like an oddball on the periphery can become a leader who others want to follow. Please watch and share and encourage all of the athletes out there who are doing the right thing to hand in there. Enjoy!